Saddest? Happiest Coubtry song...No, WORST!

Rich Paton · Post by **Rich Paton** » 30 Apr 2000 1:03 pm

This would make a good setlist for a dive gig!

The Best of the Worst Country-Western Song Titles (These are *real*)

*Her Teeth Was Stained, But Her Heart Was Pure
*How Can I Miss You, If You Won't Go Away?
Get your Biscuits In The Oven, And Your Buns In Bed
*Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth, 'Cause I'm Kissing You Good-bye
*I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself, Or Go Bowling
*She Got The Ring and I Got The Finger
*You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly
*I Just Bought a Car From a Guy That Stole My Girl, but The Car Don't Run; so I figure we Got An Even Deal
*I Keep Forgetten' I Forgot About You
*I Liked You Better, Before I Knew You So Well
*I Still Miss You Baby, But My Aim's Gettin' Better
*I Wouldn't Take Her To a Dog Fight, Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win
*I'll Marry You Tomorrow, But Let's Honeymoon Tonight
*I'm So Miserable Without You, It's Like Having You Here
*Please Bypass this Heart?
*If I Had Shot You When I Wanted To, I'd Be Out By Now
*Mama Get a Hammer (There's a Fly On Papa's Head)
*My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, And I Don't Love Jesus
*Drop Kick Me, Jesus, Through The Goalposts Of Life
*Here's A Quarter, Call Someone Who Cares
*How Can You Believe Me When I Say I Love
You, When You Know I've Been A Liar All My Life?
*I Been Roped And Thrown By Jesus In The Holy Ghost Corral
*I Changed Her Oil, She Changed My Life
*I Fell In A Pile Of You And Got Love All Over Me
*I Flushed You From The Toilets Of My Heart.
*I Wanna Whip Your Cow
*I Would Have Wrote You A Letter, But I Couldn't Spell Yuck!
*I'd Rather Have A Bottle In Front Of Me Than A Frontal Lobotomy
*I'm Just A Bug On The Windshield Of Life
*I'm The Only Hell Mama Ever Raised
*I've Got The Hungries For Your Love And I'm Waiting In Your Welfare Line
*If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two...On You!
*If Love Were Oil, I'd Be A Quart Low
*If My Nose Were Full of Nickels, I'd Blow It All On You
*If The Phone Don't Ring, Baby, You'll Know It's Me
*If You Don't Leave Me Alone, I'll Go And Find Someone Else Who Will
*If You Leave Me, Can I Come Too?
*May The Bird Of Paradise Fly Up Your Nose
*My Every Day Silver Is Plastic
*My John Deere Was Breaking Your Field, While Your Dear John Was Breaking My Heart
*Oh, I've Got Hair Oil On My Ears And My Glasses Are Slipping Down, But Baby I Can See Through You
*Pardon Me, I've Got Someone To Kill
*She Got The Gold Mine And I Got The Shaft
*She Made Toothpicks Out Of The Timber Of My Heart
*She's Got Freckles On Her, But She's Pretty
*Thank God And Greyhound She's Gone
*They May Put Me In Prison, But They Can't Stop My Face From Breakin' Out
*Velcro Arms, Teflon Heart
*When You Leave Walk Out Backwards, So I'll Think You're Walking In
*You Can't Have Your Kate, And Edith Too
*You Can't Roller Skate In A Buffalo Herd
*You Done Tore Out My Heart And Stomped That Sucker Flat
*You Were Only A Splinter As I Slid Down The Bannister Of Life

...and an all time favorite:
"I'm Gonna Put A Little Bar in the Back of My Car and Drive Myself To Drink"!

John Steele · Post by **John Steele** » 30 Apr 2000 4:55 pm

A local favourite:
"You've got sawdust on the floor of your heart"

Glenn Suchan · Post by **Glenn Suchan** » 1 May 2000 6:52 am

"Every man must leave his footprints on the shifting sands of time, but I just leave the mark of a heel...."

"Mark of a Heel", by Hank Thompson

Keep on pickin'!

Glenn

dwight dubie · Post by **dwight dubie** » 1 May 2000 11:09 am

Lets go down to the rock pile honey I'm a little boulder(bolder) there.
Grandma put your teeth back in,your gumming up the works.

Ray Jenkins · Post by **Ray Jenkins** » 1 May 2000 11:25 am

Get off the Stove Grandma Your Too Old to Ride the Range.

I've Got Tears In My Ears From Lying On My Back in My Bed A Crying Over You.

I Broke Your Heart and You Broke My Nose.

Rich Paton · Post by **Rich Paton** » 1 May 2000 1:10 pm

LOL!

Boomer · Post by **Boomer** » 1 May 2000 10:32 pm

"She Made Fun of my Apartment (So I Knocked her Flat). Best, Boomer

Marty Pollard · Post by **Marty Pollard** » 2 May 2000 9:35 am

I thought you were looking for serious responses. In case you had been, I know the hands down winner.

'She's In Love With the Boy'

To this day, I boycott everything ol' dogface Yearwood does because of that pathetic trainwreck of a 'song'.

John Steele · Post by **John Steele** » 2 May 2000 10:17 am

Marty, along the same serious lines, last weekend I sat in with a band and they made me play a tune, the words for which make me shudder:
"That's my girl, my whole world, but that ain't my truck"
*gag* Cornbread, anyone?
-John

dwight dubie · Post by **dwight dubie** » 2 May 2000 11:00 am

On amore serious note then ,how about
"Up Against The Wall Red Neck Mother"
NRPS had a song called "Little Old Lady" The chorus was"She slid down the mountain on her little old lady-ooo,little old lady-ooo(yodel style).

GORDY NICHOL · Post by **GORDY NICHOL** » 2 May 2000 6:28 pm

I am not sure of the "artist",but the song title is "Here I am in Dallas, where in the h#$$ are you"!!!!!!!!!!

Donny Hinson · Post by **Donny Hinson** » 2 May 2000 6:57 pm

How about "Who Stole My Underwear" by the Dillards. And yes...it had pedal steel in it!

Joel Glassman · Post by **Joel Glassman** » 3 May 2000 10:32 am

"I've Heard That Tear Stained Monologue
You Do There By The Door Before You Go"

"Are You on the Top 40 of the Lord?"

Trivia time: who did these songs?

Bobby Lee · Post by **Bobby Lee** » 3 May 2000 3:32 pm

"Pickup Man" has some really bad lines, like "If it weren't for trucks there wouldn't be tailgates." Duh.