My new invention.

Mike Perlowin · Post by **Mike Perlowin** » 8 Nov 2002 8:53 am

Ever wish you had just one more knee lever, but had no place to put it or body parts left to activate it?

Today I am announcing the invention of the all new MIKE-A-SEAT with a built in SPHINCTER LEVER. The answer to your problem.

All you have to do is just insert the special hydraulic tube from the bottom of your MIKE-A-SEAT into a jack in your guitar (the jack must be installed by our technicians, but this service is performed free of charge,) then simply sit down, and presto, another change at your disposal.

For those of you who prefer, we are also offering the sphincter lever by itself which you can personally install.

The all new MIKE-A-SEAT and SPHINCTER LEVER are available at your local steel guitar shop. Be sure to specify size when ordering.

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My gear: A piece of wood with some wires attached

Nathan Delacretaz · Post by **Nathan Delacretaz** » 8 Nov 2002 9:11 am

I knew from the get-go that steel players were an unusually focused and dedicated bunch, butt....(word play intended). Hey, a few hoses here and there wouldn't affect my stage presence on the bandstand. I'm already "the weird old guy in the corner"! ha ha

CrowBear Schmitt · Post by **CrowBear Schmitt** » 8 Nov 2002 9:11 am

Jim Cohen · Post by **Jim Cohen** » 8 Nov 2002 9:22 am

It has great intuitive appeal, since it relies on a relationship we are already all familiar with: you bear down, it gets louder!

Tony Orth · Post by **Tony Orth** » 8 Nov 2002 9:45 am

Well, this will surely dispell the myth that not just any a--h--- can play the steel guitar.

Sorry Mike, I just couldn't resist
Tony

Jim Eaton · Post by **Jim Eaton** » 8 Nov 2002 10:16 am

And natural gas is so enviromentaly friendly!!!
JE:-)>

Fred Shannon · Post by **Fred Shannon** » 8 Nov 2002 10:16 am

Michael, is there a possibility I can order this right away, and is it also possible to attach a plug-in that will eliminate the bar chatter when our fiddler goes into his cage and play's "Orange Blossom Special?"

I need about a 60db volume increase to keep the screech out of my ears.

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The spirit be with you!
If it aint got a steel, it aint real

Stephen Gambrell · Post by **Stephen Gambrell** » 8 Nov 2002 12:31 pm

HANKEY, STAY OUT OF THIS!! IT'S A JOKE!!(I think)

MUSICO · Post by **MUSICO** » 8 Nov 2002 1:28 pm

Sometimes true things are said in jest. I am very interested in alternative MIDI controllers (example: I have a Buchla Lightning which is a set of virtual drumsticks that work via infra red beams and need no drums...just hit where the drums would have been!!!!!!! I am seriously looking at the ZTAR a guitar with no strings)

On my internet investigations I have discovered a new branch of uses for MIDI...education of physically and mentally challenged children. Such things as light beams that when cut produce a sound to encorage autistic children to interreact with their environment.

What is this all coming to??? WELL there is a MIDI cushoin that you can sit on and movements forward and back and side to side send midi controller messages. You could control volume AND wah with your buttocks.

Jeremy Williams
Barcelona Spain

Matt Martin · Post by **Matt Martin** » 9 Nov 2002 7:35 am

Good idea Mike, I'd like to order one right away, but I'd like to get it with the vibrator option!! Adjustable!! And of course,
different sizes.

Jim Florence · Post by **Jim Florence** » 9 Nov 2002 8:15 am

I think they installed one when I had my hemroid operation. I know somethin's wrong back there but I can't look, and my wife won't. My packaseat smells funny.
Jim

compuserve · Post by **compuserve** » 9 Nov 2002 8:16 am

HI MIKE I think if you had a piece tubing sticking up through the middle of you seat you could hit higher notes than John Hughey.
Please remember this is all in fun.

JIM.MSA .PEAVY,

[This message was edited by compuserve on 12 November 2002 at 06:29 AM.]

Rick Collins · Post by **Rick Collins** » 9 Nov 2002 9:38 am

Hi Mike,

I've been trying to see how one could incorporate a tuneable half-stop in this change.

Rick

Johan Jansen · Post by **Johan Jansen** » 9 Nov 2002 9:58 am

Do we get a new Joe Wright video then: 'secret of the (w)right bum'?

JJ

Del Rangel · Post by **Del Rangel** » 9 Nov 2002 10:43 am

How would the sphincter-lever be marked out in tab?????

Terry Edwards · Post by **Terry Edwards** » 9 Nov 2002 4:57 pm

How would the sphincter-lever be marked out in tab?????

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3A 5"o" 3A
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Terry