The snag... I about died.
I have a good "deer story" but it's for later.
The way I've seen myself and others' developement, and Desire/Ability thing develop is like this:
Many of us have splintered lives, and many desires. Some them consume our lives totally for a time, or partially. Some momentary ones seem to swallow up more of our lives than they should. They might make us run and hide unneccessarily, as it turns out, or slowly overtake us. There are all varying degrees..
We might, as I have, let our "ability" become stagnant by playing with endless strings of hack bands.
As time passes, the most dominant desire is likely to win out. God, I believe is mercifully forgiving in most cases, and circumstances will sometimes part "the seas" and allow a person to have a "renaisance", as if saying " go ahead, spend some time on it".
Sometimes the effects of years of hacking are insurmountable. Sometimes they are not. I'm amazed at how lucky I have been in this respect.
The "spark" I got from Bud Charleton, Don West and Mr Emmons never died.
Endless strings of grinding, non rehearsed money making indeed took it's toll in the last 24-5 years. Overall, Good bands brought my ability up, lousy ones didn't hurt me as much as they could or should have. I credit quitting drinking 24 years ago with the latter.
Since that time, I have had several "passions". Some have detracted from my playing, some not.
I suppose we all have our Devils, and "wasted years".
If Desire is there, it will always afford Us a certain amount of dissatisfaction with our Ability, and if God, and Time allow, we will be able to increase it.
There could be cases where the Ability increases exponentially, and then becomes more difficult, such as Mr Green's hearing problems, or possibly the struggles Mr Emmons has had lately with arthritis.
Maybe Mr Charleton looks back as my period with him there at Oxon Hill Music as his "Dark Period".. (bbbwwahahah)
If Desire is there, and is the most dominant of the bunch of Desires that consume most of our mundane and splintered lives, then ability, with God's help will be more attainable than most of us realise.
I have always had a Desire to become "one of the best". I apologize to no one. Also At this point in time, I don't think I've even come slose to achieving it. What other people think of my playing IS important, but I got news for them. It's what "I" think of it that will make me go home and practice, or flat "give up" and just "play through the gig"..
Too loud? Put some cotten in your ears or go home. Too quiet" talk to the sound man if I can't turn it up any more. (To much reverb? What.. what... what...?)
Watching the glee and rapture BC experienced playing the simplest of vocal backups, or playing the latest thing he'd "steal off a Buddy Emmons Record" and playing it with more perfection when NO ONE would think that was possible.
Watching Mr Emmons taking a FLAWLESS ride looking like he was driving a jeep three feet off the seat after hitting a bump with trees straight in front of him that he was giving NO thought to, and coming out of it "THE BOMB", with guys trying for YEARS to cop licks off it that he came up with in a tenth of a second. All with a calm smile..
Watching Don West launch a "Solo from Mars" that made Jimmy Groves pray that he'd sharpened his Telecaster enough for HIS turn, while Mary Burgess was trying to remember the words to a Lorreta Lynn song she'd sung for 20 years.
Those things formed my Desire.
My Ability?
I don't know. I've hauled more asphalt and heavy equipment than a lot of people have seen, breathing enough rock dust and deisel to choke a small city.
I did weekend gigs for a couple years with the worst of the worst. I played for people that no one else would or could deal with. Sometimes for 7 nites in long strings wile working days.
Building a Harley, I tried to take a "vacation". I got it to keep in the good graces of a bastard son in law that I was going to shoot at work. We became "Bros" and I was allowed to make more than enough money to pay for it instead of doing 5-10 for manslaughter. I needed a "hobby" anyhow.
My "vacation" lasted about two weeks. I built it, worked 60 hours a week, and still gigged.
The greats that I was lucky enough to witness awoke my Desire.
They did so in a fashion that it has remained the strongest one of the too many I've suffered myself through.
If that was part of their Desire, then they did indeed gain the Ability.
I'm not a fan of "sitting at home". I don't suggest it for anyone. It tends to magnify doubts and bitterness. and does increase "self satisfaction" albeit at the expense of having no witnesses. It tends to mask Failure with the mirage of Success.
Much as a Mirage in the Desert turns out to be the Opposite of what it appears to be, and not just "illusion", so often is the mirage of "success" one feels when "out of the pubic eye".
Oh, I suppose that one could actually be a "master" without getting out there and Doing, like the people that have influenced and awakened my Desire, but I haven't seen or heard one yet. Not even on a record or CD.
Since this is your thread Mr Hankey, I will allow myself the digression.
Maybe you can design a "deer hook" and bring it to St Louis.
Me? I'll be playing a weekend at Jubitz with a good band and hauling asphalt except for Monday when I'll be crashing from it all..
Thanks for the indulgence.
I'm still working on my Ability, and pray that I get more time to do more with it.
I just never could shake the Desire.
EJL
<FONT SIZE=1 COLOR="#8e236b"><p align=CENTER>[This message was edited by Eric West on 20 August 2003 at 04:41 PM.]</p></FONT>