The Steel Guitar Forum

This would make a good setlist for a dive gig!

The Best of the Worst Country-Western Song Titles (These are *real*)

*Her Teeth Was Stained, But Her Heart Was Pure
*How Can I Miss You, If You Won't Go Away?
Get your Biscuits In The Oven, And Your Buns In Bed
*Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth, 'Cause I'm Kissing You Good-bye
*I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself, Or Go Bowling
*She Got The Ring and I Got The Finger
*You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly
*I Just Bought a Car From a Guy That Stole My Girl, but The Car Don't Run; so I figure we Got An Even Deal
*I Keep Forgetten' I Forgot About You
*I Liked You Better, Before I Knew You So Well
*I Still Miss You Baby, But My Aim's Gettin' Better
*I Wouldn't Take Her To a Dog Fight, Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win
*I'll Marry You Tomorrow, But Let's Honeymoon Tonight
*I'm So Miserable Without You, It's Like Having You Here
*Please Bypass this Heart?
*If I Had Shot You When I Wanted To, I'd Be Out By Now
*Mama Get a Hammer (There's a Fly On Papa's Head)
*My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, And I Don't Love Jesus
*Drop Kick Me, Jesus, Through The Goalposts Of Life
*Here's A Quarter, Call Someone Who Cares
*How Can You Believe Me When I Say I Love
You, When You Know I've Been A Liar All My Life?
*I Been Roped And Thrown By Jesus In The Holy Ghost Corral
*I Changed Her Oil, She Changed My Life
*I Fell In A Pile Of You And Got Love All Over Me
*I Flushed You From The Toilets Of My Heart.
*I Wanna Whip Your Cow
*I Would Have Wrote You A Letter, But I Couldn't Spell Yuck!
*I'd Rather Have A Bottle In Front Of Me Than A Frontal Lobotomy
*I'm Just A Bug On The Windshield Of Life
*I'm The Only Hell Mama Ever Raised
*I've Got The Hungries For Your Love And I'm Waiting In Your Welfare Line
*If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two...On You!
*If Love Were Oil, I'd Be A Quart Low
*If My Nose Were Full of Nickels, I'd Blow It All On You
*If The Phone Don't Ring, Baby, You'll Know It's Me
*If You Don't Leave Me Alone, I'll Go And Find Someone Else Who Will
*If You Leave Me, Can I Come Too?
*May The Bird Of Paradise Fly Up Your Nose
*My Every Day Silver Is Plastic
*My John Deere Was Breaking Your Field, While Your Dear John Was Breaking My Heart
*Oh, I've Got Hair Oil On My Ears And My Glasses Are Slipping Down, But Baby I Can See Through You
*Pardon Me, I've Got Someone To Kill
*She Got The Gold Mine And I Got The Shaft
*She Made Toothpicks Out Of The Timber Of My Heart
*She's Got Freckles On Her, But She's Pretty
*Thank God And Greyhound She's Gone
*They May Put Me In Prison, But They Can't Stop My Face From Breakin' Out
*Velcro Arms, Teflon Heart
*When You Leave Walk Out Backwards, So I'll Think You're Walking In
*You Can't Have Your Kate, And Edith Too
*You Can't Roller Skate In A Buffalo Herd
*You Done Tore Out My Heart And Stomped That Sucker Flat
*You Were Only A Splinter As I Slid Down The Bannister Of Life

...and an all time favorite:
"I'm Gonna Put A Little Bar in the Back of My Car and Drive Myself To Drink"!

A local favourite:
"You've got sawdust on the floor of your heart"

"Every man must leave his footprints on the shifting sands of time, but I just leave the mark of a heel...."

"Mark of a Heel", by Hank Thompson

Keep on pickin'!
Glenn

Lets go down to the rock pile honey I'm a little boulder(bolder) there.
Grandma put your teeth back in,your gumming up the works.

Get off the Stove Grandma Your Too Old to Ride the Range.

I've Got Tears In My Ears From Lying On My Back in My Bed A Crying Over You.

I Broke Your Heart and You Broke My Nose.

LOL!

"She Made Fun of my Apartment (So I Knocked her Flat). Best, Boomer

I thought you were looking for serious responses. In case you had been, I know the hands down winner.

'She's In Love With the Boy'

To this day, I boycott everything ol' dogface Yearwood does because of that pathetic trainwreck of a 'song'.

Marty, along the same serious lines, last weekend I sat in with a band and they made me play a tune, the words for which make me shudder:
"That's my girl, my whole world, but that ain't my truck"
*gag* Cornbread, anyone?
-John

On amore serious note then ,how about
"Up Against The Wall Red Neck Mother"
NRPS had a song called "Little Old Lady" The chorus was"She slid down the mountain on her little old lady-ooo,little old lady-ooo(yodel style).

I am not sure of the "artist",but the song title is "Here I am in Dallas, where in the h#$$ are you"!!!!!!!!!!

How about "Who Stole My Underwear" by the Dillards. And yes...it had pedal steel in it!

"I've Heard That Tear Stained Monologue
You Do There By The Door Before You Go"

"Are You on the Top 40 of the Lord?"

Trivia time: who did these songs?

"Pickup Man" has some really bad lines, like "If it weren't for trucks there wouldn't be tailgates." Duh.