The Steel Guitar Forum

In my many years of playing on dozens of different stages, I have witnessed some hillarious sights. How about you?
When filling in one night at the Maple Island Tavern near Muskegon, Michigan, I was playing steel and sitting right next to the path that leads to the restrooms. This particular night a very drunk young lady walked out of the restroom which was the furthest door, walked along the side of the stage and across the dance floor to her table. She had toilet paper hung up in her panties, toilet paper that was still hooked to the roll in the womans restroom and coming out of the bottom of the about two inch space at the bottom of the door. True story and I'm sure that Pat and Dale Carr, who I was filling in with, won't ever forget it either. I believe that we laughed about that moment for a few years and still do when we think of it when together.
Thanks,
Dave Burley

We were playing a private club, and they brought in strippers on Tuesday nights. One girl's "boyfriend" had a pistol under his jacket, and the club's bouncers tackled him, and held him flat to the floor. The stripper was in the raw by this time, she went into hysterics when she saw what was going on, so here's this sleazeball, with two bouncers holding him down, and a butt-nekkid lady trying to pull everybody apart. Still funny. Pitiful, looking back, but funny.

I got a feeling this is gonna be a GREAT thread!!!

Playing to a sparse crowd one night, a young woman walked past the stage and sat in a dark corner to our left quietly drinking all night. We forgot about her until much later a guy walked by, than came back by with her slung over his shoulder. As he walked by he said "Well, I got one" then left the bar. We thought it was hilarious, only later did we think he could have been a kidnapper. We just thought he was her husband or boyfriend.

Howard, I guess we'll have to file that story under 'dark comedy'...

We had a bass player who was one crazy dude. One night I was running late so I came dressed in Dockers,loafers and a golf shirt.

I had brought my jeans,boots etc. and changed into them leaving my street clothes in a back room. We were just kicking off the first song of the night when I looked over and saw the bass player with my clothes on.

He had my pants down around his ankles with no underwear on and played two songs with it hangin out. For whatever reason no one ever said a single word to him and I don't think anyone but the band noticed. The band all saw it and we laughed until we were nearly sick.

I was playing an outdoor gig once, on a very small stage, and I left my fiddle case open at the side of the stage. In the middle of my break on a song, I saw a dog walk up and relieve himself in my fiddle case. Acutally, the dog apologized and we later became good friends.

Some many years ago around L.A. I was working a club where a lot of strange thigs happened. (Kalifornia) Anyhow, there was one gal who came in one night that looked like she would go 350/400 lbs. She was very drunk. She would go up to the guys and literally pick one up and dance around with him like he was a manican. This gal was STRONG. Finally they came and told her she had to leave or they would call the cops. In between songs, as she headed out the back door, she walked out on the dance floor, yelled pi$$ on this place, dropped her drawers, and did. Later, we found out that she used to be a professional wressler and when she got on the jug a couple of times a year, there was no tellin' what would happen.

I was backing up a REAL Turkish Belly dancer from Turkey in a club in Montgomery Alabama in the early 70s. She did a bit in her show where she would get a guy in audience and sit him on a chair, wrap a black shawl around him and put a turban on him and then she would do the most exotic/erotic dance around him as if he was a sultan or something. After the song was over she would lean over and ask "Sir, can you stand up right now???" It was hilarious every night to see a guy in the middle of the dance floor sitting on a chair in front of a packed house of folks trying to tame a raging woody so he could get up and walk back to his seat!

There's quite a few but this one stands out. I fronted my own band for many years and "One night in a bar" at the stage end of the bar stood a woman (who in fact had big b b's) She told me while I was on stage that she liked my shirt! I told her that I liked hers too and that we should trade for a while. Well, on the count of three we were supposed to pull off our shirts and exchange them. As you can imagine I didn't keep my end of the deal and had her shirt on and held on to mine for a good 10 count. Same thing on the trade back. She didn't have any b b
underwear on. She looked cold but never embarrassed.
Greg

My old bass player was trying to juggle relationships with 4 girls. One night, at Topper"s, they all showed up! Hilarious!
Another night, at The Shell Bar, a drunken girl kept yelling, "Free Bird!" We didn't know "Free Bird," but were somewhat familiar with the melody. I got all my bottleneck slides out of my kit, and gave one to everyone but the drummer. We all "tried" to play the melody. No rhythm, no bass line. All of us stumbled through the melody. 3 slide guitars, slide fiddle, and slide bass. The drummer played the "stripper" beat. I was laughing so hard I almost peed my pants. It was horrendous!

I was playing classical guitar in the restaurant of a very fancy and snobby hotel in the village of Deia in Mallorca, Spain. It was a steady duo gig I played every Friday night with a flute player who was a friend of mine. The Hotel's clientele were mainly rich, elderly German and English tourists on holiday. Anyway, one night we were sitting there playing as usual when all of a sudden this very large fat guy ran through the restaurant totally naked while screaming "Yahhhhhh!". Turned out the streaker was a local guy who lived in the village and hated the hotel. He was never allowed back there but he never went there to begin with so it didn't matter. The flute player, and I had a tough time keeping a straight face for the rest of the evening . We'd be in the middle of a piece and all of a sudden we would both start laughing uncontrollably. It was pretty funny, except that we got fired for it in the end.

I man dressed as a woman fell in love with the male singer of a rock band I was in years ago at a gig. The audience was small, but this one guy made full use of the dance floor; stripping, flailing, gyrating etc, and all directed of our VERY shy singer...

the last one was a very drunk girl who was making a barf run to the bathroom, situated next to the stage, she stumbled and fell head first into the trash can where she completed her assigned task.

Ever played a nudist colony gig? We've got several of them out here and somehow I've managed to gig 3 of them. You look up from time to time and see all sorts of things. They let it all hang out; literally.

hey steve, didn't you just give up the steel guitar??

Thanks for the comments fellows. I know there's lot's more so let's here em.
One more I will share is, when playing the old Dalton Tavern north of Muskegon, Mich., the steel player and I noticed this Elizabeth Taylor looking gal dancing with another gal to a fast dance. She was getting drunker as the night wore on and while we were playing a polka and she was vigorously dancing, she lost one of her bosom pads. As she bent over to get it, her hair fell off. She picked up the pad, grabbed the hair and holding the pad on her bosom and her hair on her head headed for the restroom. At the end of the evening this Elizabeth Taylor looking gal, that is before all of the losses, was sitting on a bar stool and had relieved herself on herself both #1 and # 2.
If any one knows Ron Lawrence, ask him about it. He was playing steel and when we get together, if we think of it, we will bust out laughing as we tell the story to whoever is having coffee with us.
Dave Burley





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Doug Jones says:
Ever played a nudist colony gig? We've got several of them out here and somehow I've managed to gig 3 of them. You look up from time to time and see all sorts of things. They let it all hang out; literally.

chris ivey wrote:hey steve, didn't you just give up the steel guitar??

Nope. Gave up ON it!

Years ago, our band had finished a set and were leaving the stage, when I noticed this beautiful women approach the stage and went directly to our fiddle player. She asked him, "what instrument do you play" He proudly replied " I play the fiddle" to which she promptly replied, " I hate the fu%&#%ing fiddle. I still tease him about this whenever I see him

I was playing lead guitar, actually subbing for the band's regular lead player who couldn't make the gig, on what turned out to be the bass player's birthday.

So halfway through the evening, this guy walked in, not just in drag, but in a tinker bell costume, complete with plastic wings and a pink glittery dress, and started prancing around like a maniac, working his way up to the stage, where he grabbed the microphone and delivered a singing telegram, which was the kickoff of a surprise party.

The other band members set it up with the bass players's girlfriend. (Of course he knew nothing about it.) But I, not being a real band member, also had no clue as to what was happening at first.

Afterwards somebody brought a big cake and we all pigged out.

A few years back we were playing a small club in Ct. when I noticed this guy heading rather unsteadily for the exit and looking slightly green around the gills. He had almost gotten to the door when a table of three very attractive, well dressed girls obviously recognized him and called him over. He had no sooner sat down when he let fly with what appeared to be everything he had consumed within the last 24 hours. Needless to say, that ruined any chance they may have had of finding dates for that evening.

Well, not so graphically outrageous as much of the above, but for those who get a laugh out of cultural cordiality . . .

Western New York, winter of 1976-7--on a frigid night somewhere around 4-5 deg.F, two groups of about 8 or ten people each descended on the joint at about 11:30, one from a formal affair: black tie, gowns, etc., the other from a cross country snowmobile ride and dressed accordingly. The mix at the tables was hoot enough but the pairings on the dance floor set everyone off.

What a night: Ginger Rodgers and Bigfoot, Fred Astaire and Bigfoot's sister!

I was playing a gig one night, and this really hot chick walked across the dance floor right in front of the band while the singer was in mid-song!! he was so busy watching her that he forgot the words to the song ---- and his wife who was sitting at a table nearby was not amused at all !! I still have him on about that ha !!

Playing our small pub gig in Glasgow has exposed us to some strange characters.
One regular pain in the rear end was a guy aged about 70 who really thought He was the all "singing and dancing" God's gift to women.After a couple of drinks he would dance around like Travolta and make all sorts of facial expressions,He really did think He was the dogs bollox until one night his pants fell to the floor at the same time as his top denture flew across the room.
Never did see Him again.

Billy

I was playing at a Barbecue, and a tall 400lb lady in pink spandex was dancing with a midget.We were on the same deck as the dancers and the stage was bouncing like a cruze ship in a huricane.

A couple of years ago we were playing an annual teacher's party at a local club. First song in, a drunken female teacher staggers up right in front of me (I'm on steel), lifts up her shirt to expose her bare breasts, and proceeds to jiggle them for about a minute. First song in, about 9pm!! I don't know why she singled me out, but the whole band leaned toward my side of the stage at that moment and the stage got pretty wobbly for a second. Later that night, she was lying across the stage stairs sloppily necking with my next store neighbour, shirt half-off.

Years ago, I watched our bass player lie on the dance floor and get shooters poured down his throat by cute young patrons mid-song, with the bass still on him, not missing a note. I even remember the song: "Some Kind of Wonderful".

And, of course, many of us have watched a drummer throw up on himself. That's an old one.

I have many more, but they are too much for an all-ages forum.