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Posted: 11 May 2012 1:08 pm
by Geoff Brown
[quote
I think it's useful to try to point out that the odds of the 'dream job landing in your lap' aren't good - and even if it does, that is not a panacea. But you can't put an old head on young shoulders - I think most people are just gonna have to learn things the hard way, as hard as that sometimes is to watch.
My take.[/quote]
Yep...I've been doing that with him, in a constructive way, of course. He doesn't seem too receptive. And maybe that's not entirely a bad thing. When I was his age, I didn't like hearing from older folks about how unrealistic my expectations were, either. I'd probably be equally concerned if he let me or others just steer him around. As you said, you can't put an older head on a 22-year-old's shoulders. And yes, it is somewhat tough to watch.
Posted: 11 May 2012 1:14 pm
by Geoff Brown
Seth Owen wrote:Bill - My story is similar, but I have to wonder if something else isn't going on here.
It sounds to me like he may well be depressed.
All the ingredients are there: Fairly recent split of his nuclear family (under bad circumstances, no less), can't get excited about much of anything, no ambition, sounds like he has very low energy, etc. Depression is something that carries a lot of misunderstanding and stigma with it - he may not even want to address it/admit he's got a problem with it himself. I don't want to be preachy or anything like that, so I'll just say that if he does have depression, it is not something you can just "pull yourself up" out of without help - I don't necessarily mean "head meds," not at all, but maybe having him go talk to somebody might not be such a bad idea.
Now, if you're absolutely certain that it's not that he's depressed, the only thing I'd have to say is to be patient with him. If you ask my folks I had my head up my butt from about 16 to right about present day (I'm about to turn 40). OK, fine. But - not unlike Bill - I've had a much more varied and interesting life than I would've had if I'd have gone straight to college, dove into a career, etc. And yeah, I'm a bartender who's got a Master's degree (I eventually did go to college - when I was 28) who has been working on a music career (of all things!) for about 5 years, but I'm happy. In my book, being happy is worth more than all the money and "success" and power in the world. For better or worse, we no longer live in a world where you're doomed if you don't hit the ground running as a young adult. Now, I agree strongly with the stance that TV paints a stupidly unrealistic picture of pretty much everything, and I have never liked the overall attitude of entitlement in general, but we also need to remember that the days of the gold watch after 35 years with the company are long, long gone.
But you know what? All these comments are just so many words from people who don't know him. You do. I wish you and your nephew both the best of luck; sounds like there's a lot to work out. Be patient with yourselves.
I appreciate your thoughtful post, Seth. I don't think he's depressed, honestly. I think he's adjusted pretty well to his parent's issues. We've had talks about that, and I think his perspective is pretty healthy. It's his younger brother that I'm worried about in that regard.
Posted: 11 May 2012 2:17 pm
by Geoff Brown
I appreciate everyone's comments. And cantalope is delicious, I agree
I think the biggest favor he could do for himself right now, would be to get out from under mom's protective wings. He won't understand the real value of a buck, or a job...until he does. Mom and dad need to get him moving in that direction.
I hope I can get some 1-on-1 time with him whiles he's visiting. I haven't really had a chance to talk to him much.