Jerk Steeler - What would you do?

Richard Sinkler · From: aka: Rusty Strings -- Missoula, Montana

After a long retirement from music. my ex-wife told me about a Sunday jam where she couldn't stand the steel player's playing. I agreed to start coming to the jam. Everything went fine until this other steeler started going berzerk. He starting yelling at my ex for no good reason. She being really shy and timid, really got depressed (and pi$$ed - as did I). He is a disgrace to the steel guitar profession.

I met a really great girl at this club that I now call my girlfriend. He took it upon himself to tell her that I had pulled a gun on my ex 2 times. My ex finally straightened things out with my girlfriend. He has tried to sleep with my (now) girlfriend even though he is married.

My dillema is that this jerk has been going there longer than I. The band prefers my playing (the other guy is pretty bad-not beginner bad-just plain bad). Yesterday he made some more rude comments to me. Instead of kicking the cr@p out of him, I chose to leave and never return (meaning I will probably stick my guitar back in the closet and forget about it). Should I keep going knowing that it will come to blows at some point, or just stay away. What would you do.

Larry Strawn · From: Golden Valley, Arizona, R.I.P.

Richard,,
This sounds kinda like a Dear Abby question. lol..

But you know,, if I enjoyed going to some place where I could have a good time and enjoyed everyone else's company, and everyone else enjoyed mine, I'll be dammed if I'd let some jerk like that run me off!!

Let him be the one who makes a fool out of himself, every one else will see what's happing.

I sure wouldn't quit playing my favorite instrument, or any instrument because of some one like that!

JMHO,,,,,Well,,,,,, Ya asked didn't ya??

Larry

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Fessenden S/D 12, 8/6 Hilton Pedal, Sessions 400 Ltd. Home Grown E/F Rack
"ROCKIN COUNTRY"

can't spell!!

[This message was edited by Larry Strawn on 10 April 2006 at 03:32 PM.]

[This message was edited by Larry Strawn on 10 April 2006 at 03:33 PM.]

ray qualls · From: Baxter Springs, Kansas (deceased)

Richard, sounds like he needs an attitude adjustment! I'm not a violent man but:"KICK HIS A$$". If that don't work, break his fingers

. If that don't work, cut the strings on his steel

. If that don't work, well, you get the idea! We don't need any jerk steel players. Ray

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Ray Qualls
President(KSGA) www.rayqualls.com

Lee Baucum · From: McAllen, Texas (Extreme South) The Final Frontier

And the band puts up with that kind of behavior? I can almost (but not quite) see where you could put up with a jerk that really played well and added a lot to the ensemble. But this is a guy that is not only a jerk, but doesn't play well. Why put up with that combination? (I don't play well, but at least I try to be nice and smile a lot when I'm not playing well!)

I'm with Larry. Keep going and show them what it's like to have a nice guy sitting behind the steel. Once they make the comparison, maybe he'll be invited to not come back. I certainly wouldn't pack up my guitar just because of one jerk.

Lee, from South Texas

Jim Eaton · From: Santa Susana, Ca

I would keep going to the Jam and just ingore anything he says or does. If he's the jerk I think he is, that should be enought to get him to take the first swing and that's when I'd be glad that I developed the habit of putting my bar in my pocket anytime I leave the stage. IMHO.
JE:-)>

Jerry Roller · From: Van Buren, Arkansas USA

Were you invited to the jam by the other musicians? Maybe this guy thinks because he was there first you are moving in on his territory. I would discuss the problem with whoever is in charge of the jam.
Jerry

Dave Mudgett · From: Central Pennsylvania and Gallatin, Tennessee

I agree with Jerry, I would talk with the jam organizer(s). I absolutely don't see why his longer tenure there has anything to do with it, unless he is a close friend to the other players. If he's not a good player and they don't like his playing, the group can exert strong influence on him to either chill out or get out.

You may be able to help that along by forcing him to act out his belligerence in front of everybody. I simply wouldn't acknowledge him at all, not respond to anything he says, and just go about my business. Many people with a real attitude will just keep upping the ante until they go completely overboard and make a fool of themselves publically. You should stay completely cool and focus on music, if you can, although I know it's not easy sometimes to stay that focused in this situation.

But I cannot recommend starting a fight with this guy - if you start it, you're the one at most risk for problems, IMO. If you really can't stay cool, maybe you need to stay away until you can sit down and talk with the organizers.

Leon Campbell · From: Texas, USA

Richard, I'm with Jerry on this one, he has some very good advise. I thought jams were where every one gets to play, take turns, thats how we do it here. Don't stop playing, there are other places to play and it is to much fun to quit. I have found that all steel player that I have met or talked with are very nice, and for sure here on the Forum. My two cents. Leon

Curt Langston · Posted 10 Apr 2006 3:18 pm

ray qualls · From: Baxter Springs, Kansas (deceased)

2nd opinion: Richard you said that he's been coming there longer than you so that tells me that he's not a member of the band. You learn in grade school that the only way you can treat a bully is to stand up to him. The guy is nothing but a "Bully" by lying to your girlfriend and trying to make out with her and yelling at your ex. I stand by my first answer and say "Kick his A$$" if he doesn't back off because he'll just continue until you stand up to him. He's invading your territory when he comes onto your girlfriend. Further, I think he will back off if you stand up to him. Ray

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Ray Qualls
President(KSGA) www.rayqualls.com

Richard Sinkler · From: aka: Rusty Strings -- Missoula, Montana

Thanks guys. I am never a fan of confrontation. BUT, this guy could get me to kick his butt, but only if he took the first swing.

No. he is not a member of the band. The band really prefers my playing and asks me to come every week. I do casuals with one of the guitar players in the band, and he is just blown away at my playing. This other guy can't even play something close (or even acceptable) to "Together Again". Some of the other jammers would rather I play when they are up on stage.

I came up with a compromise that I thought would be fair. He is never there when the first set starts, so I suggested that I take the first and third sets. There is not enough room on stage for both of us, so I suggested that he take the stage every other week, and I would set up on the floor. The next week it would reverse. He got some bug up his butt about the every other set thing and suggested we switch after every 6 songs. This didn't work worth beans.

There are times when the band will play some rock that I don't know, so I get up from my steel. I would rather not play to a song I don't know that sit there and play cr@p that doesn't fit the song (and embarrass me -if only in my mind) like he does. I could be dancing and smooching with the lady.

He actually got in my face about getting up from my steel.

By the way, he is very threatened by my talent. My ex used to use him on gigs and now she won't even talk to him. This boy (he doesn't act like a man) is really pi$$ing off a lot of people and burning the few bridges he has left.

[This message was edited by Richard Sinkler on 10 April 2006 at 05:07 PM.]

[This message was edited by Richard Sinkler on 10 April 2006 at 05:10 PM.]

Dave Zirbel · From: Sebastopol, CA USA

If he's upsetting many others then you need to get a group of people to confront him and ask him to leave and not come back. DZ

Jim Cohen · From: Philadelphia, PA

When he goes to the bathroom, remove the fuse from his amp.

Jim Phelps · From: Mexico City, Mexico

I'm not a violent person either, but.... I've always tried talking things out in a gentlemanly way, and if/when that fails, in invitation "to talk about it outside" usually settles things one way or another, but it's a last resort. Unfortunately, there have been some times it was the only way. I'd rather that than let this kind of thing continue, but that's just me. Don't get into a violent confrontation unless that's your choice or it's unavoidable. You never know when someone like this is going to go home and come back with a gun, never forget that.

[This message was edited by Jim Phelps on 10 April 2006 at 05:48 PM.]

Paul King · From: Gainesville, Texas, USA

Richard, It sound like to me he may be intimidated by your being a better player. You have to be so careful when dealing with hotheads like this guy. You never know when someone may pull a knife or gun on you. I would suggest talking with the band that has invited you and see if they can get him to calm down. It is obvious he does not want you there. You would be better off not going back than wind up with a major injury, or even worse, losing your life. Best wishes and I hope this works out in your favor.

Curt Langston · Posted 10 Apr 2006 5:22 pm

Thump that punks' head!

Bob Blair · From: Edmonton, Alberta, Canada

Uh, at the risk of sounding like a party-pooper, if someone in Richard's position does what some folks are advocating (kicks someone's butt, for example), the person doing the butt-kicking could wind up being charged with assault, and I suppose a clever DA (isn't that what y'all call them down there?) could find this thread, print it out, and use it as evidence of pre-meditation or something. Heck, maybe he or she wouldn't even have to be all that clever - a Google search would find it! Last time I checked, there was no law against being a jerk, even a real class-A jerk. But there are laws against thumping people out. Even against thumping jerks out. And every now and then, someone winds up with a smack on the head in a bar-room brawl, and is badly injured or even killed. In which case someone goes to prison. Or, as has already been pointed out, some gun-toting hothead exercising their right to bear arms decides, perhaps drunkenly, no, amke that probably drunkenly, to start shooting up the joint. Prison and bar-room brawls and shootingmeninrenojusttowatcchthemdie and stuff make for good C&W songs, but in real life they kinda suck. Bad idea.

[This message was edited by Bob Blair on 10 April 2006 at 06:54 PM.]

[This message was edited by Bob Blair on 10 April 2006 at 06:55 PM.]

Curt Langston · Posted 10 Apr 2006 6:18 pm

Bob Blair, you are probably right. Americans down here have gotten so politically correct, that we cannot even take care of our own business. Such as illegal imigrants. Notice that I did not say "undocumented workers". That is CNN lingo........ Yes indeed, being politically correct could be the United States' downfall.

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I'd rather be opinionated, than apathetic!

[This message was edited by Curt Langston on 10 April 2006 at 07:21 PM.]

Chris Schlotzhauer · From: Colleyville, Tx. USA

When he's playing, stand 3 feet from him and stare at him. Better yet, screem Steel Guitar Rag at him over and over. That oughta do it.

Jerry Roller · From: Van Buren, Arkansas USA

Unless this is a steel jam I would consider two steels to be one too many. Honestly it makes no more sense than having two drummers, or two bass players. Twin steels are great if they work together but otherwise it can turn into a competitive thing and it will just cause hard feelings. I believe I would tell the other guys to give me a call when they get rid of the "Jerk Steeler". This is just my own personal opinion.
Jerry

[This message was edited by Jerry Roller on 10 April 2006 at 09:37 PM.]

Bob Blair · From: Edmonton, Alberta, Canada

It's not about political correctness. It's just about the fact that it is against the law to thump people except in a limited self-defense context. As it should be. I find your comments disturbing Curt, and I certainly didn't mean to provoke that kind of response. I just don't want to encourage Richardto get into a situation that gets him in trouble or gets him hurt.

[This message was edited by Bob Blair on 10 April 2006 at 08:05 PM.]

Gordy Hall · From: Fairfax, CA.

Just walk away. They don't deserve you, and 'thumping' someone is never a real solution.

Ronnie Green · From: Des Moines, New Mexico, USA

I've seen this type of behavior in other bands as well as the ones that I have been in. Everyone of them are self distructive. Give him time. He'll blow it!!

Howard Tate · From: Leesville, Louisiana, USA, R.I.P.

While we hope that all steelers are super nice, and most are, there are jerks in every thing. I just hope he's not a forumite. I hope you keep playing, but if a gig or jam is not fun it's not worth going to.

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Howard

Al Terhune · From: Newcastle, WA

If the band won't tell him to stay away from the jam, walk away (I agree), they don't deserve you. If that happens, either the new girlfriend will stay (better off without her) or go with you (she's a keeper).

Al

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