I've played my last wedding band gig

David DeLoach · Post by **David DeLoach** » 22 Oct 2023 6:17 am

For many years I used to lead a 11 piece band that played wedding and corporate events. 3 singers, 2 guitars, bass, drums, keys, and 3 horns. I did all the charts and arrangements for the band, as well as scheduling, interfacing with the event/wedding planner, hiring the sound man, etc., etc., etc.

Here is Nashville you can hire GREAT musicians for these gigs. I hired guys that had recorded and/or toured with Paul McCartney, Elton John, James Taylor, Prince, Paul Simon, etc. BUT, when these guys said, "Yes, I can play that gig" what they really meant was, "Yes, I can play that gig UNLESS I get a better offer for another gig on that same date - even if the better offer comes in the day before your gig." So many times I was scrambling at the last minute to fill in for the guys who bailed.

So even though we had a great band and were getting booked a lot and making good money, because of the massive effort and pain-in-the-A issues that came with it I shelved it and instead focused on music that I absolutely love (which happens to be pretty non-commercial vs. the funk, classic rock, and MoTown we were doing in that band).

Well, I got approached from a former client who had hired our band 10 years ago. He wanted us to play 2 big family weddings - one in September and one in October. I told him I was done being a band leader/musical director, but if one of the other former band members wanted to lead on these 2 gigs, I would show up and play guitar.

Well, one of the singers took that job of MD and put together the band, scheduled rehearsals, etc. I gave her a bunch of my old charts, horn arrangements, etc. and then just got the tunes down and showed up for the rehearsals and the gigs.

I will never play another wedding band gig - ever.

The time and energy just wasn't worth it. It was a huge distraction from the music I love creating and I lost a lot of ground with the time I had to put in learning the guitar parts a on songs I will NEVER play again (e.g. Shania Twain's MAN I FEEL LIKE A WOMAN, Prince's LET'S GO CRAZY, etc.).

I made some good money on these 2 gigs - enough to buy a good guitar - but I've committed to never play another wedding band gig. It's just not my DNA.

Jack Hanson · Post by **Jack Hanson** » 22 Oct 2023 7:58 am

As one who has suffered through many a wedding gig, I say: BRAVO!
Can't help but wonder -- of all the weddings I've played -- how many couples are still together.
In my experience, marriage is grossly overrated.

Earnest Bovine · Post by **Earnest Bovine** » 22 Oct 2023 8:17 am

Jack Hanson wrote: ..how many couples are still together.

Marriage duration is inversely proportional the the cost of the wedding.

David DeLoach · Post by **David DeLoach** » 22 Oct 2023 8:33 am

Earnest Bovine wrote:
Marriage duration is inversely proportional the the cost of the wedding.

40 years ago my wife and I got married in my parents' living room in Texas. Our budget for the wedding was $900. We had Deli trays from the supermarket down the street for the reception.

Richard Sinkler · Post by **Richard Sinkler** » 22 Oct 2023 9:58 am

Weddings are, by far, my least favorite gigs. I HATE them.

Samuel Phillippe · Post by **Samuel Phillippe** » 22 Oct 2023 11:28 am

David DeLoach wrote:
Earnest Bovine wrote:
Marriage duration is inversely proportional the the cost of the wedding.
40 years ago my wife and I got married in my parents' living room in Texas. Our budget for the wedding was $900. We had Deli trays from the supermarket down the street for the reception.

Got married in 1957 in my mother-in-law's living room, cost around $50.Still together. didn't play at my wedding and I do not play weddings anymore either

Sam

Brooks Montgomery · Post by **Brooks Montgomery** » 22 Oct 2023 11:55 am

Funerals can be fun.
I played at a friend’s wake. Cancer. Mort, an old bandmate. He organized it.
“I want to be at my own wake” he said.
At the party, he sat in a recliner in his yard in a bathrobe and slippers and smoked. A bunch of us played. We had a few stand up jokes with prizes for best jokes.
Girls came up to Mort, flashed him and he autographed a few breasts with a magic marker.
Mort died a few weeks later. Good gig.

But weddings suck.

Bill McCloskey · Post by **Bill McCloskey** » 22 Oct 2023 12:03 pm

One of my old neighbors had a regular gig with a wedding band. But then he became the bassist with a new musical opening: Mama Mia. he rode that train until it closed, 15 years later.

I used to run into a lot of musicians who had been working the same broadway show for decades, as their sole job.

Ian Rae · Post by **Ian Rae** » 22 Oct 2023 1:14 pm

In my trombone life I've played at some great funerals. I played at my first wedding and got divorced a year later.

Mike Neer · Post by **Mike Neer** » 23 Oct 2023 4:31 am

I played well over 1,000 weddings from the age of 20 to 40. The trick is knowing when to say when. I succeeded in that.
The money (and booze) was top shelf, the musicians superb, but the musical demands were horseshit. The older you get, the greater the divide between what you want to play and the music the people want to hear, and I think no one is really immune to that. I don't miss it, even as I sit here hardly ever gigging anymore.

Donny Hinson · Post by **Donny Hinson** » 23 Oct 2023 10:48 am

I can't recall the source, but the quote went something like this:

"Whenever you get paid to perform, you cease to become an artist, and instead become just a contractor."

For the most part, I think that winds up to be true for a lot of artists. Life's too short to do stuff you don't really enjoy.

K Maul · Post by **K Maul** » 24 Oct 2023 4:31 am

I used to play in a bluegrass band with a banjo player who at weddings would slip this in and somehow never got caught:
“I just want to say on behalf of the band congratulations to the couple and I sincerely hope that they’ll be as happy as my wife and I thought we’d be.“.

Tucker Jackson · Post by **Tucker Jackson** » 24 Oct 2023 11:23 am

I support your decision, David.

Now... Cel-A-Brate Good Times, Come ON!

Mike Neer · Post by **Mike Neer** » 25 Oct 2023 7:56 am

K Maul wrote:I used to play in a bluegrass band with a banjo player who at weddings would slip this in and somehow never got caught:
“I just want to say on behalf of the band congratulations to the couple and I sincerely hope that they’ll be as happy as my wife and I thought we’d be.“.

I couId write a book I have so many insane stories. But I won’t to protect the innocent.

Craig Stock · Post by **Craig Stock** » 25 Oct 2023 2:51 pm

Mike, I'm sure your biggest regret is not being able to play 'Celebrate' any more

Bob Hoffnar · Post by **Bob Hoffnar** » 26 Oct 2023 7:14 am

I tend to enjoy them because it is a backdoor into other peoples worlds that I would never see. Also if your contract is tight the money is great and conditions tolerable. If the players are good and not too complainey it can be an enjoyable musical experience.

But...... It can be a real soul crushing rut if you don't keep your priorities together. Some of the most miserable humans I encounter are cynical musicians that drink on the gig. Wedding gigs can really screw you up if you are not careful.

Mike Neer · Post by **Mike Neer** » 26 Oct 2023 8:04 am

Craig Stock wrote:Mike, I'm sure your biggest regret is not being able to play 'Celebrate' any more

Craig, evidently there was still a lot lower of a level to sink to once Black-Eyed Peas and Shakira came along. I got off at the ground floor.

Bob, fortunately we were all professionals—professional drinkers, that is—and we didn’t drown our sorrows in booze.

Erv Niehaus · Post by **Erv Niehaus** » 26 Oct 2023 12:12 pm

The last wedding I played for was just me on pedal steel and my guitar slinging buddy.
That was it, just us two!
Before the wedding we played a bunch of mushy old standards and for the wedding, itself, we played the Wedding Chorus and the Bridal March.
Not bad for a couple of country boys.

Erv

David DeLoach · Post by **David DeLoach** » 3 Nov 2023 2:56 am

Well, although my last 2 wedding band gigs were a pain, they did provide some decent pay. I only spend money on gear that I've earned playing, so I took that gig money and picked up a Eastman T184MX. It is a really great guitar. Plays and sounds really good.

Fred Treece · Post by **Fred Treece** » 3 Nov 2023 8:10 am

Bill McCloskey wrote:One of my old neighbors had a regular gig with a wedding band. But then he became the bassist with a new musical opening: Mama Mia. he rode that train until it closed, 15 years later.

I was fortunate enough to avoid the wedding band trap, for the most part. But I did quit the clubs/county fairs/private party circuit for a tribute band thing that I thought might last 6 months. 15 years later I decided the money and the traveling and the pro sound and lighting and big theater stages and nice hotels and gourmet food wasn’t worth it anymore.

This goes hand in hand with Donny’s quote about giving up your artistry to become a contractor. Maybe some are lucky enough to be both, but it ain’t me babe. I did learn a lot about professionalism, and the band mates were great. I just needed to find time to see if there was any art and fire left where it used to be. That’s how taking up pedal steel happened.

Duane Reese · Post by **Duane Reese** » 4 Nov 2023 9:17 pm

I've never played at a wedding, but if they're anything like company Christmas parties, I can imagine they'd be horrible. Any gig where people feel they have a prerogative to get drunk and start disrespecting the hired entertainers is not a gig I'd want.

Jack Hanson wrote:In my experience, marriage is grossly overrated.

Yeah, it seems to be diminishing in significance because, to put it bluntly, most people don't expect it to last like they once did. It's like, "Okay, we'll come to your relationship affirmation party, but we won't hold our breath."