Band Truths

[b0b]

1. Great bands are built around great vocals. Nobody sings along with the guitar solo.
2. If you don't have a first rate bass player, your band will never rise above the mediocre.
3. The best all around guitar amp for gigging is the Fender AB763 Deluxe Reverb.
4. Great guitar players are a dime a dozen. If you don't sing, you don't get a lot of work. (see #1)
5. The typical consumer of live music does not appreciate your skill as a musician. They are mainly interested in dancing and/or singing along with the vocalist. (see #1)
6. Drummers are terrible time keepers. The job of keeping time in a band belongs to the bass player. (see #2)
7. The person who books the most gigs is almost always the weakest player in the band.
8. You should never play for "the door" or "exposure". By doing so, you're lowering the value of your product. The only exception would be a legitimate charity event that you enthusiastically support.
9. Karaoke is the worst thing to ever happen to live music.
10. Never let an unknown club patron sit in with the band.
11. Bands with a female singer usually break up within the first year.
12. You can cover any gig with a Fender Stratocaster and/or a Gibson ES-335. (see also #3)
13. Club owners don't care how great your band is. They only care how many buddies you have that drink beer.
14. "Pay to Play" is for 14 year olds. (see #8 )
15. Bands with more than 4 members are usually a pain in the ass.
16. A large percentage of gigging musicians are alcoholics, recovered alcoholics, or pot heads. Especially drummers, in my experience. (see #6)
17. 100 watt amplifiers are as useful as tits on a bull unless you're playing outdoors. (see #3, and always have a spare SM-57 and cable in your gig bag.)
18. If it takes more than two trips to the car, you're bringing too much gear to the gig.
19. Pay attention to your personal appearance.
20. If it's not fun, it's time to move on. You're better off staying home than bringing your bandmates down with a lousy attitude.
21. Bands that are run as a ''democracy'' almost always self destruct. Somebody has to take charge.
22. Always help load the P/A in and out.
23. If you book the gig, be prepared to pay the other musicians at the end of the night. If you get a check, they get a check. If you get cash, they get cash.
24. Horn players are usually prima-donnas with less than perfect pitch.
25. At least once a month, hand your wife the cash from the gig.

[Doug Palmer]

26. No harmony is better than bad harmony.

[Dave Little]

I didn’t write those rules.... but I could have.

[Brooks Montgomery]

27. If it’s an uncovered outdoor stage and there’s a chance of rain, it will rain.

[Terry Winter]

No argument with any of the 25.

[Ian Rae]

The three commonest music lies are:-

The cheque's in the mail
I asked you before I asked anyone else
(just realised the 3rd one's not family-friendly)

[Frank Freniere]

No. 22 is getting harder and harder.

[Ian Rae]

By the time I've packed and loaded all my stuff the PA's long gone

[Tony Palmer]

As a musician I agree with just about all of those but when I assume the role as a professional musician (which means im getting paid), number ONE is the most important.

[Lee Baucum]

I disagree with #6 and #15.

[Donny Hinson]

I think those "rules" were written as an attempt at humor. Half may be occasionally valid, but the rest are like jokes, or they're outright just wrong.

1. Great bands are built around great vocals. Nobody sings along with the guitar solo.

Horsehockey. I guess nobody's heard of The Ventures, The Buddy Rich Band, Herb Alpert and the Tijuana Brass, The Surfaris, Hal McIntyre, Booker T. and the M.G.s, The Doc Severinsen Band. Wow people, give me a break!

I could go on - almost endlessly, but that's enough to make the point (I think!)

[Ian Rae]

Lee, as a former (and occasionally current) bass player I'm inclined to agree with #6.

As for #15, social dynamics make 5 a difficult number as at any given time someone is the outsider. After that it just gets unwieldy. Luckily I'm happy to be the outsider in a 5-piece and just play

[b0b]

I love the musical dynamics of a quartet more than any other configuration. Haven't had the good fortune to play in one for quite a while, though.

[Richard Sinkler]

I prefer a 5 or more piece band. I really don't like having to cover the rhythm guitar (or other rhythm section instrument) parts. Sounds much better than a steel trying to cover that part.

A few years ago, I was in an 8 piece band, and loved it. Me, 2 guitars (different styles and vocals from one of them), acoustic player (guitar, mandolin, banjo-guitar, vocals), keyboards, bass, drums, killer female vocalist. One of the funnest bands I have ever played in. Very well rehearsed, no one stepping on each other.

When I make my move to Montana next month, I will be working in a 4 piece again. I went up there last weekend and did 2 gigs with them. Can't wait to move there.

[Fred Treece]

Grateful Dead knocks #1 off the list. And as Donny said, there have been so many great bands that featured no vocals, let alone bad ones. Also, I have worked with only female lead vocalists forever now. Most of them lasted well beyond a year, one of them went for 20.

The rest of the list is pretty good, accurate, and funny, but I would refer every one of those rules back to #2. My band life since 2005 is proof. I live in a bass player desert.

[Ian Rae]

The Dead had no vocals and no bass player either, but they seem to have been successful without following any rules, indeed by breaking them

[Fred Treece]

Phil Lesh did what he could with endless one- and two-chord jams, and could establish a very solid groove when the song called for it (i.e., Bertha). But you’re right, Ian - The Dead probably are not a great example for applying generalized rules and truths like the ones in the OP. I think #1 is largely accurate, but #2 is Dead on, so to speak...