Whatever that means. 22-years old. Still lives at home. Works part time. Spends money as fast as he makes it. No financial discipline whatsoever. Loves what he calls, "today's country." Goes to concerts. Loves the excitement. Wants a job in the biz. Wants to move here to Nashville. He's currently visiting. No experience whatsoever related to music at all. His attitude towards work in general: "No sense in working a job that I don't enjoy."
He's living in la-la land.
He's frustrated. He wishes that he'd get lucky and land some dream job that's going to make him happy. My idea of a dream job for him right now (especially in this economy) is any job that enables him to live on his own and pay the bills. Of course, he doesn't like hearing this. He doesn't like hearing about anything that involves organization, responsibility and coming up with a plan.
Parents separated for a couple years now (don't ask). Mom is the enabler and has told me she doesn't want him to leave home. She knows she isn't doing him any favors.
He's a great kid. I love him to death, but he's got his head up his butt.
She's not doing him any favors. People who fail to plan, plan to fail. The only thing more unstable than the music business is the Futures Market. It's the old adage. "you can either go to work, move out and pay rent, go to school and work part time, or join the military". Other than that it's called "grow up".
Hey, Geoff, In all honesty there are quite a few people in the music industry who probably started with the same work ethic (!)
I would suggest he finds himself an intern position somewhere he has interest- recording studio, tour support industry, record label- and he'll quickly find out there's no free lunch, and be exposed to the raw material and educational path for pursuing it if he feels it's worth working toward it.
Best of luck!
Yeah, I've suggested the intern thing. He didn't seem too warm to the idea I think he just wants to hang and be a part of the social scene...a groupie, and get paid for doing it
The kicker is...he's got his license to drive tractor trailers. He's been working part-time back home driving buses of gamblers to the Casinos in Niagara Falls. He says it's an ok gig...not crazy about it. I've talked to him about trying to get a gig driving a bus here for someone. I don't know how he would go about doing that, but he seems to have no interest, anyway. Go figure. When he works, he's a hard worker. He doesn't slack off. But he's just not real motivated to dive in with both feet. He just wants someone to walk up to him and drop a dream gig in his lap.
Maybe you could get him to check in with one of the Bus lease companies like Tourdog or AST, I'm sure they're always getting requests for somebody with a CDL. Might get him near some other factions of the business.
Unless he is musically talented, send him to Truck Driving School and he can drive the Big Ol' Bus.
Like the Guy in the Circus who cleaned up after the Elephants, when asked why he didn't quit, he said:
What ! and give up show business
Sacramento Western Swing Society Hall of Fame, 1992
He should go into this occupation with his eyes wide open.......The bus driving gig is sleeping while the band plays and awake while they sleep. No women, drinking, drugs, etc for the bus driver.......Safely driving the band, the crew, and the gear is serious business.
He's frustrated. He wishes that he'd get lucky and land some dream job that's going to make him happy.
Without even attacking the extremely questionable premise that 'a dream job', by itself, will actually make someone happy -
A lot of 22 year olds don't really know what they want to do, and don't really have any particular passion for anything in particular except that they want all the rewards - RIGHT NOW!!! The larger entertainment culture makes it look like this is possible (with a probability attached to that) if you just play that game - sorta' like hitting the lottery. They point to the occasional examplars where it works out to sell that message. How else could TV shows like "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" and all the American Idol type shows work without cultivating an underlying subculture that really believes that, somehow, there really is a realistic chance that someone will just pluck them out of obscurity and into the winner's circle?
I don't think most people have ever really been all that different. Not everybody is possessed by passion for anything at all - they just go through life, hope for the best, and wind up settling for what's available in the end. What I think really has changed is that many people now have a sense of entitlement to all the accoutrements of 'success', without really having to do much of anything for them.
I think it's useful to try to point out that the odds of the 'dream job landing in your lap' aren't good - and even if it does, that is not a panacea. But you can't put an old head on young shoulders - I think most people are just gonna have to learn things the hard way, as hard as that sometimes is to watch.
Jim - I've been hearing that a lot, inasmuch as I just finished my grading for the semester.
OK, how 'bout this. "Sure, man - y'all just come on down to Nashville. You don't have to know anything or be able to do anything - don't worry a bit about all those trivial details. In no time at all you'll be ridin' the big ole' gravy train to nirvana, just based on your scintillating personality and the beneficence of the magnanimous Nashville music machine."
What I think really has changed is that many people now have a sense of entitlement to all the accoutrements of 'success', without really having to do much of anything for them.
Dave, I've encountered that a lot lately, and I'm left wondering when that all began. Possibly with the advent of "reality tv?"
When I was that age, I started trying to play music for a living. Played in Austin TX, up in Boston, all around PA, even when to France for a while to write. Later I came to New York to be a painter. Eventually in my 30's I gravitated towards the thing I'd make my career in, which didn't even exist when I was in my 20's.
Bill - My story is similar, but I have to wonder if something else isn't going on here.
It sounds to me like he may well be depressed.
All the ingredients are there: Fairly recent split of his nuclear family (under bad circumstances, no less), can't get excited about much of anything, no ambition, sounds like he has very low energy, etc. Depression is something that carries a lot of misunderstanding and stigma with it - he may not even want to address it/admit he's got a problem with it himself. I don't want to be preachy or anything like that, so I'll just say that if he does have depression, it is not something you can just "pull yourself up" out of without help - I don't necessarily mean "head meds," not at all, but maybe having him go talk to somebody might not be such a bad idea.
Now, if you're absolutely certain that it's not that he's depressed, the only thing I'd have to say is to be patient with him. If you ask my folks I had my head up my butt from about 16 to right about present day (I'm about to turn 40). OK, fine. But - not unlike Bill - I've had a much more varied and interesting life than I would've had if I'd have gone straight to college, dove into a career, etc. And yeah, I'm a bartender who's got a Master's degree (I eventually did go to college - when I was 28) who has been working on a music career (of all things!) for about 5 years, but I'm happy. In my book, being happy is worth more than all the money and "success" and power in the world. For better or worse, we no longer live in a world where you're doomed if you don't hit the ground running as a young adult. Now, I agree strongly with the stance that TV paints a stupidly unrealistic picture of pretty much everything, and I have never liked the overall attitude of entitlement in general, but we also need to remember that the days of the gold watch after 35 years with the company are long, long gone.
But you know what? All these comments are just so many words from people who don't know him. You do. I wish you and your nephew both the best of luck; sounds like there's a lot to work out. Be patient with yourselves.
In today's society, if your not moving forward your going backwards to failure. Ask the Chinese and the Indians. Anyone wanting to pursue the music business would be wise to get the proper education.
I live in the San Fernando Valley and I have friends in the porn industry. Because of the internet, their business has taken a dive. It's not just the music industry. There's no point in steering him in that direction....
