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Topic: Another New Carver/West/Ayres Company |
Roy Ayres
From:
Riverview, Florida, USA, R.I.P.
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Posted 7 Apr 2003 10:33 am |
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Jody Carver, Carl West and I have decided to take the wealth we accumulated through the now-defunct “O-Phart” company and start another new venture. We will be designing, manufacturing and marketing various innovative steel guitar accessories.
After having been ridiculed by many who claimed the name “O-Phart” to be uncouth, we are incorporating under a new name that has a lot more couth: “Osh-It, Inc.” This way, when b0b kicks us off of the Furum, Jody, Carl and I can join our three great singing voices in close harmony to shout the name of our company: ”Osh-It”
Our first product will be a steel guitar cover guaranteed to keep people from using your steel as a bench. It is a sheet of quarter-inch plywood with padding on the bottom and pieces of broken glass imbedded into the top, the perimeter of which is a 6-inch high fence made of a triple row of razor wire. (This item will be offered as soon as we figure out a way to pick it up without injuries.)
Of interest to the older players will be our jock-strap-mounted volume control that comes with a one-year supply of Viagra.
Soon to follow will be a new high-tech innovation: a finger pick with four slightly offset tips for slow players who wish to quadruple their picking speed.
As an adjunct to the line of finger picks, Jody and Carl are out rounding up turtles, and – if enough can be captured – we will begin manufacturing tortoise shell thumb picks as soon as the lawsuit filed against us by PITA is settled.
The pride of our new line of products will be edible tablature. Tabs will be made of various edible media such as fruit rollups, with printing consisting of different flavors of icing or other colorful but edible materials. For the Hawaiian market we will use passion fruit icing on pineapple fruit rollups. For the discriminating Italian steeler, we are developing tabs with marinara sauce printed on lasagna noodles. Alaskan steelers will want to start using our special tabs made by scraping the music into thin sheets of ice; of course, these tabs will of necessity be for fast songs only. Mexican songs will use grated jalapenos for the printing on flour tortillas. Also, for our friends south of the border, we will be offering a frozen delight we refer to as the “ice-cream” tab – somewhat like an ice cream sandwich with the printing made of Cool Whip. (This way, a hot session ending in the consumption of our jalapeno tab can be followed by the ice-cream tab for dessert. Thus, the next morning while sitting on the throne for his morning constitutional, the Mexican steeler can sing a few verses of “Come On Ice Cream.”)
As a promotional program to get the Osh-It company off to a rolling start, we are offering a free guitar string made of top-grade baling wire to any of you who can come up with novel ideas that may be attractive to the masses of steelers out there. Simply post your idea below – then don’t call us, we’ll call you.
Roy Ayres
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David Reeves
From:
Florida
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Posted 7 Apr 2003 3:55 pm
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Roy,
I am thinking... maybe... along the German food item line.....
You know, something at your worst... er... uh... I mean wurst
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Stump Reeves
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Jody Carver
From:
KNIGHT OF FENDER TWEED
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Gene Jones
From:
Oklahoma City, OK USA, (deceased)
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Posted 7 Apr 2003 4:56 pm
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I wish you guys well in your new venture.
However, I have a suggestion for the picks....mature turtle shells may be too rigid for some players, especially if used with the volume control option, so you might consider a baby-turtle pick as an option. I realize that you can only make one pick from one baby turtle, rather than several from a mature turtle, but I think discriminating players would be happy to pay the extra cost. (I have an additional suggestion for your dealings with PETA but I will send that by private e-mail). Sincerely, Gene |
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Fred Shannon
From:
Rocking "S" Ranch, Comancheria, Texas, R.I.P.
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Posted 7 Apr 2003 4:56 pm
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Roy, will you do custom covers because I'll need one with a slot for my fluorescent lit slanted fretboard and the 4 HP Briggs & Stratton Engine and generator...I'll send you the dimensions as soon as I get up off the floor, wipe the tears from my eyes, and convince my wife not to call the men in the white coats again. She thinks I've lost it sitting here at the computer and laughing to my self.ROTFLMAO. 
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The spirit be with you!
If it aint got a steel, it aint real
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Jody Carver
From:
KNIGHT OF FENDER TWEED
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Posted 7 Apr 2003 4:59 pm
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Hey Gene
Keep it clean,there are young women on here.  no XXX rated comments or bOb will move us on out of here.
Roy I think we should make David and Gene Jr.partners in this deal,,where's Carl?? |
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Jody Carver
From:
KNIGHT OF FENDER TWEED
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Posted 7 Apr 2003 5:00 pm
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You Too Fred
I can tell you belong with us |
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Roy Ayres
From:
Riverview, Florida, USA, R.I.P.
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Posted 7 Apr 2003 5:05 pm
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Special News Flash:
Our jock-strap-mounted volume control will have to go back to the drawer board . . . oops, DRAWING board for further development. Jody tested one out and found that he wasn't able to play at anything but "soft" volume -- even after taking TWO Viagras. |
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Dr. Hugh Jeffreys
From:
Southaven, MS, USA
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Posted 7 Apr 2003 5:06 pm
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| Roy, et al: The name of your newly formed firm sounds a bit Far East (not Far Out), however, you possibly could feature an alternative type of music in contrast to the usual effluvia that permeates the aural labyrinth(i.e., der Scheiste sonde) (sonidos de culo)--well, you get what I mean: That's another way of "looking at it," as the fly said when flying over a mirror, and don't forget my representative Legal Team: Catchum, Scareum, and Screwum--now available only via Grand Cayman and the Lest Antilles. HJ |
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Roy Ayres
From:
Riverview, Florida, USA, R.I.P.
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Posted 7 Apr 2003 5:10 pm
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Jody:
Maybe we should let Stump in on this gold mine, as well as Fred and Gene. They all have som pretty commercial ideas.
If you guys want to buy in, just send me $1,000.00 each in small, unmarked bills in plain white envelopes. I'll immediately forward you a Stock Certificate printed on one of our edible tab forms. |
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Roy Ayres
From:
Riverview, Florida, USA, R.I.P.
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Posted 7 Apr 2003 5:13 pm
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Hugh:
We really need your doctor talents more than your legal expertise. Judy just overdosed on Viagra attempting to increase his volume. Even after taking the whole bottle he still couldn't get it up -- the volume, that is. |
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Jody Carver
From:
KNIGHT OF FENDER TWEED
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Posted 7 Apr 2003 5:14 pm
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Sounds good to me Roy,but we need Carl's approval,,I'll call a meeting of the minds.
You can stay out Roy we wont need you. |
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Jody Carver
From:
KNIGHT OF FENDER TWEED
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Posted 7 Apr 2003 5:17 pm
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Hey Roy,,I just saw that C'mon Ice Cream,,OH
man,,I see you had been talking to Leo.......ROTFLMAO |
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Roy Ayres
From:
Riverview, Florida, USA, R.I.P.
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Posted 7 Apr 2003 5:17 pm
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Hugh:
In that last post I meant to say "Jody" not "Judy." A person named "Judy" just doesn't fit into the context of this particulat type of volume control. |
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Roy Ayres
From:
Riverview, Florida, USA, R.I.P.
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Posted 7 Apr 2003 5:26 pm
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Jody:
Go ahead with that executive meeting. Carl can't attend, as he is out trying to catch some baby turtles as Gene suggested. I don't think he has caught any yet; in his old age he just can't keep up with those little buggers. Just remember that when you meet with yourself, the vote has to be unanimous. And, while you are meeting, ask for approval to sent Stump and Gene their free guitar string for their novel ideas. |
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David Reeves
From:
Florida
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Posted 7 Apr 2003 5:32 pm
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Jody,
You couldn't offend me if you hit me with a baseball bat.
Wheather you will let on or not, you is good people.
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Stump Reeves
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Gene Jones
From:
Oklahoma City, OK USA, (deceased)
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Posted 7 Apr 2003 5:37 pm
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"irregardless" of all the comments above, I still love all you guys!
Gene |
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Roy Ayres
From:
Riverview, Florida, USA, R.I.P.
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Posted 7 Apr 2003 5:39 pm
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It's almost 10:00 P.M. here at our corporate headquarters in Florida, and the plant is closing down for the night. I'm tired; I had to sit up until 2:00 A.M. Sunday morning to turn my clock ahead. I'll check this thread tomorrow at work when the boss isn't looking to list those hundreds of orders we are expecting at Osh-it. Goodnight, Mrs, Calabash, where ever you are.
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Jody Carver
From:
KNIGHT OF FENDER TWEED
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Posted 7 Apr 2003 7:16 pm
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David
These old guys are corrupting me. I used to
be a soft spoken Gentleman..look at me now.
Im ashamed of myself, a grown man sitting here like an "idiot". I didnt mean to hurt
your feelings,,it just the pressure Roy puts
on me with his new ideas,,he went to sleep and here I am working my tail off for him.
I'm going to resign and hand my position over to Gene..Gene can handle him better than
I...take a look www.genejones.com Thanks
to you guys. I'm having to take my pups out into 14 inches of snow and they pups stand
7 inches high..Dont eat yellow snow. |
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Jody Carver
From:
KNIGHT OF FENDER TWEED
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Roy Ayres
From:
Riverview, Florida, USA, R.I.P.
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Posted 8 Apr 2003 4:41 am
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| OK, Jody. It's Tuesday morning and I'm up now, so I'll handle the day shift. You can go on to bed and rest up for the night shift tonight. |
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nick allen
From:
France
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Posted 8 Apr 2003 5:22 am
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Can you guys sell me some tab for turnarounds? my favorites are Krispy Kreme...
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Roy Ayres
From:
Riverview, Florida, USA, R.I.P.
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Posted 8 Apr 2003 5:31 am
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Nick:
Great idea! Makes a lot of sense. A short turnaround would fit perfectly around the edge of the donut. Your free baling-wire guitar string will be shipped as soon as our 10,000 foot roll is delivered. |
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nick allen
From:
France
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Posted 8 Apr 2003 6:16 am
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Oh wow...! now I'm going to be able to use the same kind of strings as my steel guitar heroes, Judy and Rae... In another 50 years (I'm only 54 at the moment), maybe I'll be able to emulate you guys and start my own company, too...
Nick
P.S. Carl West - I note you haven't contributed to this thread... I *knew* you were too smart to get hooked up with this bunch - did you even know they were using your name in a vain attempt to give their dubious enterprise some kind of spurious respectability?  |
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David Reeves
From:
Florida
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Posted 8 Apr 2003 7:11 am
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I feel like Roy and Jody have a respectable bidness already.
You hafta realize, Mr. Carver has been peddlin' steels longer than steels have had pedals. So I figger ennythin' else he gits roped up in hasta be a promisin' endeavor. Even has Roy Ayres as a corporate chief.
So's y'all send all your money to me, and I'll count it up then forward it to Roy and Jody. That way we will keep this on the up and up.
If'n you don't beLIEve me just ask me, I'll tell ya!
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Stump Reeves[This message was edited by David Reeves on 08 April 2003 at 08:35 AM.] |
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